I’m one of those people that you have to keep your eye on or I’ll wander off...– Jack White (via somesmithie)
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After a drunken night
Me: My toothpaste is in my bedroom and I can't remember how it got there.
Joe: I do! Last night while you were brushing your teeth, I made fun of your electric toothbrush and you ran into your room holding your toothpaste.
Me: ...How could you make fun of my toothbrush?! It's awesome!
Joe: That's exactly what you said last night.
Me: At least I'm consistent.